Jasmine* – a loving mum, respected public servant and amorous ACT swinger in her own words…
My swinging journey began with a deep longing to have sex with someone other than my husband, Harry. I just wanted a one off experience, just to see if it felt different, just to make sure I hadn’t missed out on anything.
I loved Harry with all my heart and the last thing I wanted was to hurt him. Harry had been the most significant person in my life since I was a child, he was the boy that walked me home from the bus stop when I was 11, became my first boyfriend at 13 and my husband at 18. I’d never worried that I hadn’t even kissed, let alone slept with anyone else until I hit my thirties and then I realised that I’d missed my chance and would probably die wondering.
When I initially raised the idea of swinging with my husband he refused straight out. I was more than disappointed by his response. I couldn’t give up on my urge but it wasn’t worth ending my otherwise happy marriage for. I convinced myself that it would be ok to explore on my own, it would be my little secret.
I started my solo journey by responding to advertisement on Craig’s list for a single male looking for a dominatrix. Dressed in the cliché faux leather and stilettos, I got a thrill standing over a subservient stranger with whip in hand. I cracked the whip hard on his bare skin.
“You need to be punished” I cursed, gosh what has he done wrong, quick think…”I wasn’t even offered a drink when I walked through your door, I like champagne, I want the French kind”, crack, crack, crack went the whip on his backside. That’s when my conscience kicked in “gosh, sorry was that too hard, did I hurt you, water will be fine, I can get it when I’m finished, I’m not even thirsty, I’m not normally mean, I’m just acting, am I doing ok? Gosh am I ruining your fantasy? Sorry”.
So being a dominatrix wasn’t for me, but plenty of other experiences were. I found that I loved nude sunbathing with an all male audience in some of Canberra’s notorious spots and I loved x-rated chat forums.
On a business trip I met a gorgeous lady a little older and a lot more experienced than me who I took back to my hotel room. I was so excited about my experience with this lady I took the risk of telling Harry, who to my relief relished every little detail. Reluctantly he agreed to try swinging. We established profiles on a couple of swinging websites and nervously met our first couple within weeks. Being a little bit more adventurous than my husband I suggested that the wives start the evening by putting on a sexy show while the husbands watched. I’m uncoordinated and swaying my hips in time to music is an unreachable goal but somehow I bluffed my way through. Our husbands liked what they saw and quickly joined in. When I saw my husband give another woman pleasure I felt proud, he looked amazing, I admired his skills and I had confirmation that what I had was good because I could see that she really enjoyed him too. Sex with her husband was exciting but I didn’t enjoy it anywhere as much as I enjoyed sex with Harry which was comforting to me.
We got lucky in more than one way on our second date with a photographer and his wife who offered to take pornographic pictures for our swinging profile. It had never occurred to us that this was something we needed but I quickly warmed to the idea. He agreed to Photoshop my stretch marks which helped and leading up to the photo shoot I began fantasizing about the idea of the photographer taking advantage of his model on the job which increased my enthusiasm.
I confided in Rose ( a close girlfriend), that Harry and I had organised a special photo shoot “that’s wild, Ben would love it if I organised something like that, do you think I could stop by and get my photo taken as a surprise for Ben?” She asked.
The photo shoot was amazing, the photographer and his wife were happy to accommodate Rose and to later take part in my role play fantasy. Rose couldn’t keep the surprise from Ben, she phoned him about half an hour after arriving “you’ll never guess what I’m doing, just get here quickly”.
We had our first group sex experience that morning and we loved it.
The photos boosted interest in our profile and we began meeting couples regularly. We met some great people and some strange ones. Occasionally we would find ourselves in a funny predicament. We met one couple for customary pre-sex drinks who asked us if we would like to come home with them to their dungeon. Harry declined the offer by telling them that he feared for the safety of his organs”. On another occasion we met a couple after liking their profile photo which we later found out must have been about 20 years old. They were lovely but heavily overweight which was a turn off. Harry and I nervously whispered about how to handle the situation “We have to go through with it, we’ll hurt their feelings” he whispered. Swinging is a shallow business and I had to be honest. “I’m sorry, you’re a really nice couple but I have size restrictions” I blurted out while watching Harry’s jaw drop to the ground.
After building our confidence and admittedly knocking other people’s confidence we held our first swingers party. We got a huge response from fellow Canberra and surrounding swingers after advertising our party online. This presented an issue of who to choose, so we ended up carefully selecting guests by meeting them first and trying many of them out too, which was hard work but someone had to do it!
We’ve been swinging for three years now and we’ve met some amazing people. Earlier this year I got cervical cancer and couldn’t have sex for several months. While our ‘vanilla friends’ offered to take care of the kids after my operation our swinger friends offered to take care of Harry!
As well as sharing partners, swingers share their skills, this has made Harry and I better lovers and improved our sex life. We’ve both satisfied our fantasies and we are thankful to each other that we have been open enough to allow each other these experiences. Sex does feel different with other people, but I know I’m not missing out on anything with Harry.
*Names changed to protect identity