We are totes excited to introduce you to our latest contributor Kylie Aloi! Kylie runs her own life coaching business and resides in Melbourne. She loves nothing more than guiding women to make positive changes in their professional and personal lives. Kylie
wants to see more women designing a life that is right for them. In Kylie’s first AMICA post she discusses how values can shape your life…
Values are the guiding principles that I use to make decisions in my life. Some days these are on the big issues, like asking myself: Should we get married now? Do we sell our house? Do I start my own business? All of which I have asked myself and answered, this year alone! Sometimes it is using my values for the smaller decisions that can seem insignificant, but can have a big effect on me day to day.
This approach was something that we all do, even if it is on a subconscious level. In recent years I have tried to make the shift to actively tune into my values and then decide on what it is I choose to do.
When I decided that yes, I did want to start my own coaching business I knew that this approach to values was something I wanted to pass onto my clients and be the cornerstone of my approach to coaching.
I think that it is so important that when we are working through a goal or period of change, whether it be in our personal lives or business lives that we need to first work out why this is important to us. If like me you are a fan of Brene Brown you will know that any time you are trying something new or stretching yourself at some stage you are about to get your ass kicked! Part of getting through this tough part, I believe is having a concrete idea to fall back on. Values really do that for me.
One of the definitions Google uses to define values is the one that I want us all to focus on today: ‘Principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. “They internalize their parents’ rules and values”
Synonyms: principles, moral principles, ethics, moral code, morals, moral values, standards, moral standards, code of behavior, rules of conduct, standards of behavior “society’s values are passed on to us as children”.
One of the distinctions I do want to make from this definition, is when I am working with a client and even if you are doing this for yourself, we really need to tune into what it is we personally value. Not what everyone around us is telling us that we should value. That won’t help you push through the hard days.
I just wanted to take a second to step back and really explain why it was I have made this shift to actively tuning in my values. Well I recently opened up about my experience with anxiety and it was through coming to terms with this part of who I am, that I started to focus on what it is I value.
I found that as I started to explore what anxiety is and learn ways in which I would include tools to cope with it, I found that different things in my life become more important for me.
One of the key shifts I experienced was that wellness was something that needed to change in all areas of my life. If I wanted my anxiety to get better, for me personally it became about digging deeper and learning not only about the condition but how I wanted to live my day-to-day life as a whole.
I didn’t want a Band-Aid approach, which I had done in the past. This time it was about making permanent shifts.
Once I started to come through the other side of this tough period. I felt a pull to start studying again. Learning has always been an important value in life, but for a while formal study was something I put on the back burner. When I knew that I was ready to go back to studying again, I reached out for some help to think through the options and ideas I had about where I should take my career.
I completed the Myer Briggs Personality test, which I found so fascinating! The lady I went to see also had me complete a values analysis to work out what sort of things I want in a career.
These activities and conversations we had lead me to going back to university to complete my Bachelor of Business (Human Resource Management) Degree. I was a bit nervous about returning to study after a four and a half year break and as a mature age student, but I really went into it excited and ready to embrace studying again.
I can be a bit hard on myself in terms of my performance but my main value for my time back at university was to walk away proud of the work I was submitting. As opposed to when I was younger and just handing in whatever because there was a due date! I also knew that going back was going to mean I was juggling a few things and I wasn’t making my life harder just to fluff around, a very typical mature age student thought I think!
In my last semester of uni the things I was juggling became a bit more intense. I was still managing part of my family’s business, I also started studying my Certificate IV Workplace and Business Coaching online, I continued to live out of home and run a household. One of the more difficult parts was that during the first week of the semester my Grandmother passed away.
So as I had been doing I used my values to help me through this time. Being around my family during times like this is very important to me and helps me to grieve. I know this about myself and allowed myself to do this without feeling guilt about the work I could have been doing for uni.
The rest of my time at uni was prioritizing different parts of my life to what I needed on a given day. I recently did an interview for Saskia Coley on what balance means to me. For me it is about using my values to know how I want a particular day to look.
By the end of my time at uni I walked away from that experience really proud of not only what I had accomplished but that my time there was exactly as I wanted it to be.
I truly believe that when I make decisions based on my values that I will never feel let down.
I would love to hear your thoughts on either how you use your values to make decisions or how you would like to start implementing this in your life x