One Queen I totally admire is Constance Hall. This rad woman shows us how to be our true selves whilst creating incredible change and making the world a better place. Constance constantly inspires me even though I have never met her. So tonight, I dedicate this post to her and all of you – here are the five steps I took to becoming a Queen …
First of all, we are all Queens, but we don’t always feel like it and forget where we placed our crowns. I used to be this girl. A Queen but not knowing it. But now I know it deep in my bones, and whilst I often have my moments where I totally misplace my crown somewhere under a massive pile of laundry, on my messy work desk or in the kids’ toys, I’m getting pretty good at quickly finding it again. The following is how I have gotten to this place:
- A Queen doesn’t let anyone dictate their self-worth
I’m fairly sure we have all allowed others words, actions and opinions affect how we feel about ourselves. Sometimes this is part of healthy feedback for our own benefit but often it is nothing but negativity impacting on us. It seems that these bad ass vibes usually can fall into two broad categories:
- sad souls taking out their own issues on us, or
- our own misreading of situations that leads us to feeling less royal.
This is something I am all too familiar with. Take my poor dating record as a glorious example! Before I meet my hubby, I had my fair share of terrible first dates, some ghosting and a few heartbreaks. Just the standard early twenties business really. But instead of taking each experience in my stride, I would often go to the ‘something is wrong with me, I feel like I’m undesirable’, which in reality it was more likely a timing issue, we just didn’t click, or me not putting out! 😉 I also don’t fall often, but when I do, I fall hard and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve something Queen Constance can relate to.
I wish I could get back the hours I spent over analysing each love failure and the self-angst I put myself through. I should’ve spent all that time embracing my inner Beyoncé, straightening my crown and using my brain cells on actually studying my uni curriculum.
Obviously, it isn’t just love relationships that can bruise our self-worth. Family members, friends, work colleagues and even a cruel stranger can have an impact. In these moments, it helps to combat your negative self-talk with some evidence based ‘look how rad I am, I am rad because I’m kind, smart and give love’.
This is especially true when we keep hearing negative stuff about ourselves over and over again that we soon develop schemas that say to us “you are not good enough”. Our rational, adult minds can say “I know I’m worthy of love, respect and the good things life brings”, but our inner negative schemas can override and lead to self-sabotage. Which brings us to the next step …
It took a bucket loads (I’m talking years) of intense therapy to get where I am today. In my mid-twenties I had a full breakdown – mental, physical and emotional. The burden of negative schemas got all too much and I finally collapsed under the weight. Sometimes you just totally lose your shit and need help to find it again.
It was effective therapy that got me through, including being hospitalised at one point. I am sooo grateful for the amazing neuropsychologist that I found, because his treatment is what saved my life. That, medication and my loved ones.
I truly encourage you to seek out treatment if you need or want it. Make sure you work with someone you vibe with and gives constructive advice to build upon. You may have to trial a few practitioners, but once you find the right one you will never look back. Yes, therapy is painful, confronting and challenging. But you are brave and strong enough Queen!
- Body Love
A Queen knows her body is perfect and modern day pressures and media portrayals of the female form is just plain bullshit. A Queen thanks her body for being the vehicle for her infinite soul and brilliant mind.
This is one tough place to get to, and I struggle myself. As a comfort eater and having two kids, I’ve had my fair share of body hate. So I’m still struggling with my crown on this one, BUT I now thank my body for being good to me, for allowing me to birth two children, for allowing me to walk the streets of Rome and Hanoi. And for the times it didn’t work for me when I had Chronic Fatigue and sometimes had to crawl to the toilet, I’m grateful that you slowly healed. I know many of you are struggling with physical illnesses impacting on your everyday life and I’m not trying to trivialise your utter struggle and fight. I am sending you love, strength and peace. And to the rest of us, I’m sending a reminder that the most important thing is to love your body, and it will love you back.
- Surround yourself with soul sisters
There is no doubt that surrounding yourself with soul-sisters is the fastest and strongest way to maintain your reign. This is fairly obvious to all you lovelies and #queensofconstance as you all know “Teamwork makes Dreamwork”. Seriously, there is no greater power than the sisterhood. I see and feel it every single day of my life, and more each day as I grow older. My girlfriends have got me through the passing of my mum, the daily grind of maintaining home and work life and basically provide the laughs, good times and drinks we all need to get through.
Take the other day for example. I was home with the flu from hell, I woke up and saw texts from my soul sisters asking how I was, I then received another text from a girlfriend saying she will drop around my favourite dinner tonight and take the kids so I can get some rest in – all this love before I even get out of bed! I checked my work emails and saw the amazing team of women I work with have everything covered like the bosses they are. All this before lunch time. Yep, soul sisters keep my world turning.
Being part of the sisterhood means you are surrounded by positive and loving energy that can only propel you into greatness.
- Do Good
A true Queen believes in the power of gratitude and giving back. Constance and her efforts for Rafiki House entirely prove that.
Spare 10 has also blown me away with joy that keeps expanding.
There is always opportunities to do good:
-compliment a work mate on a job well done
-offer to have your soul sisters kids for a few hours so they can go do the groceries and feel like they are on a holiday
-bring over some wine and/or yummy food for someone doing it tough
-donate to a cause you believe in
-support a mum in the mall struggling with a toddler terrorist even just by giving a smile and a ‘know how you feel’ look
-pre-order Constance’s book to support our kick ass leader
-go and visit your friend or family member whilst in hospital or on home rest
-leave an encouraging post it note on a colleagues desk when you can tell she is having a pretty shit time like a soul sister did for me, it now lives on my fridge.
These are just some ideas and most require little to no money or time. But the ripple effect it will have makes the world a better place, adds to the good vibes and lifts us all up to Queen status.
In the end, all that matters is kindness and love. Shower kindness and love to yourself, your family, friends, strangers and even those haters, because that is what a true Queen does.
Lots of love,